


lâcher prise

by troubled



Series: hard reset [2]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Age Reversal, Alternate Reality, Multi, Older Shim Changmin, Younger Jung Yunho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 04:36:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17440067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troubled/pseuds/troubled
Summary: our treacherous hearts would never be the same.changmin gets a girlfriend. that is not supposed to be part of the equation.





	lâcher prise

 

Somewhere between the recording of their third album and the subsequent dome tour, Changmin gets himself a new girlfriend. Jieun is someone he knows from middle school and he likes how she doesn't treat him any different (and that she refused to date him when he first approached her). His manager knows about her, covers for him when he goes out on dates, but Changmin has a distinct impression that he disapproves. They keep it a secret from the company.  
  
He introduces her to the band before they fly off to Japan.  
  
Heechul and Kyuhyun eye him skeptically and a look passes between them. An entire conversation, in the quirk of their eyebrows and the curling lines of their mouths. After a few seconds, they turn to her and start narrating all his embarrassing moments, including that one time he talked about watching porn on national television. Changmin can feel his ears turning red as she laughs, already at ease.

Yunho congratulates him, eyes a dark, blank slate, and spends the entire night glued to Siwon's side.

Changmin puts out a few bottles of his best wine and soju and works on getting drunk as quickly as possible.

 

*

 

"Where's Yundol?"  
  
Changmin looks up at the question, thumb hovering over the screen of his phone. Halfway through typing a text to Jieun ( _hey what are u doing? do u miss me? insert smiley face here_ rinse repeat) and he catches Heechul's eyes from across the room.  
  
"Out with Siwonnie," Kyuhyun chirps, doesn't look away from his laptop. "They went shopping, I think."  
  
Heechul frowns. "Doesn't Siwon have some kind of a charity thing today?"  
  
Changmin agrees, wonders when Yunho and Siwon slipped out (and why didn't he notice). His phone vibrates with another text. He doesn't look at it.  
  
"Took the day off. Told the managers he's doing important things with maknae," Kyuhyun offers, always been the more observant one. He pauses, glances at Changmin before he continues, "Yunho's upset."  
  
"Yeah?" Heechul joins him on the couch and steals the remote away. His pout could've been seen from another solar system. "Why? Yundol should've told me. I'm his favourite hyung."  
  
Kyuhyun snorts. "He only said that in interviews so you'll stop pestering him about it."  
  
" _Yah, Cho Kyuhyun!_ "  
  
Changmin stares at the three unread messages waiting for him.

 

*

 

Things change. Jieun becomes a fixture in his life and Changmin adjusts. As best as he can but sometimes he slips up. Sometimes he snaps too hard, says the wrong words at the wrong time (because he's used to ' _sorry_ ' wrought in bright smiles) and he apologises with lyrics, with arrangements in stilted melodies. She asks him about his schedule and his lengthy stints in Japan, the hours he spends in recordings. She doesn't complain, but he knows she's crunching the numbers for future reference. He tries to get their relationship right and it's tiring, exhausting, annoying annoying annoying.  
  
Siwon continues to take Yunho out, often enough nowadays that Heechul's complaints are loud and persistent. His manager has taken to having private conversations with Yunho's manager (and sending him these disappointed, almost sad looks that he ignores because _what the fuck even_ ). Yunho always comes back with Siwon's arm slung over his shoulder and shopping bags in his hands (Dolce&Gabbana today, Versace tomorrow - Heechul gleefully reads the fans' comments about Yunho's much improved airport fashion and Siwon's grins grate on Changmin's nerves).  
  
Yunho smiles around the straw of yet another Americano as he's manhandled by Siwon into a one-armed hug, this time during a taping for Guerilla Date. They're sequestered away in their own little world, oblivious of the curious looks from the interviewer and staff members around. Heechul tells them to shut up once the cameras start to roll. Siwon has a hand over Yunho's thigh throughout the interview, brazen in a way that sets Changmin's teeth on edge. They come back to the apartment still immersed in each other, laughing at things Changmin doesn't understand. Eyes bright and it's all natural, picture perfect. Changmin bites the inside of his mouth until he tastes iron. He runs his tongue over his teeth and glares at the verses scratched out on his notebook. Thinks about all the different words for ' _heartbreak_ '.  
  
"But you're in love."  
  
Changmin jerks in surprise. "What."  
  
Kyuhyun raises an eyebrow. "Why would you write about heartbreaks when you're in love?"  
  
As if Changmin has the fucking answer.

 

*

 

Japan means losing Yunho to Boa in between dance practices and rehearsals. She's built her own kingdom there, paved the yellow brick road for the rest of the Korean acts and none of them is about to risk their neck to point out that she should probably stop stealing their maknae. He's always been her favourite and if Changmin grudges her for those stolen hours, he doesn't let anyone know. Yunho comes back early enough to not worry the managers and goes straight to Heechul's room, even if Changmin's is bigger and they're supposed to share the king-sized bed. Just like during the previous tours. Just like during pre-debut.  
  
Changmin gets shitfaced the first night he has to sleep alone, staggers into the kitchen in the morning and sees Siwon making pancakes for Yunho.  
  
He doesn't even get to open his mouth before Kyuhyun presses a mug of scalding hot coffee into his hand.  
  
"Shouldn't you call your girl?" he says. Changmin scowls at the coffee as he's steered away from the sound of Yunho's laughter. "Dude. Call her. And then shower. We're running late already."

 

*

 

Siwon has his mouth against Yunho's, hip angled to trap whispers against off-white porcelain and Changmin turns away from the small bathroom.

His hand shakes when he dials Jieun's number.

 

*

 

Changmin looks over his coffee (something bitter in venti) and watches the way Jieun's eyes light up as she spills words and million tiny things about everything. He listens and catalogues. When she talks about her hometown, her accent gets deeper, more pronounced with nostalgia ( _homesickness_ , he thinks and he holds her hand tighter). Jieun's wrist is small and fragile, bones jutting under smooth skin and she laughs when he runs his fingers over her arm.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" she asks. Her hair tumbles over her shoulder in loose curls and she looks pretty, looks real enough that Changmin thinks it should've been easy to fall in love with her. "C'mon. Tell me."  
  
He curls his fingers around her elbow and pulls her closer. He doesn't think about the awkward fit of her shoulder, her hip against his side. He doesn't think about someone else kissing Yunho. "I love you," Changmin says.  
  
The warmth of her smile makes his heart ache. He kisses the corner of her mouth and tries to soothe the bruising he can feel against his ribcage.

 

*

 

_"You don't call this love." Changmin lights a cigarette and instantly regrets it. He inhales and spits enough grey smoke to blind because he doesn't need to see the crumbling edges of Yunho's smile. "It's just convenience."_

_"Convenience," Yunho repeats, half-whispers. He leans forward, seems to stretch too far for a second and Changmin frowns. Wants to tell him to take a step back - are you stupid, kid, do you want to die. Five floors down, the workers are putting in new cement blocks for the curbside. Yunho sways. Changmin nearly reaches out, stops only because Yunho turns to him, laughing between words. "But hyung."_

_"Yeah?"_

_Yunho's laugh hitches, raspy and tear-stained and wrong. All wrong. "I don't mind if it's just a convenience. If it's for you."_

 

*

 

**end**

 

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/voracyous). occasionally.


End file.
